As a kid in the 80’s and 90’s, I really liked things that pushed the boundaries a bit. Rap music was a big part of this as I used to have to sneak cassette tapes in my waste line when walking in and out of my parents’ house so they wouldn’t see what I had. When in my room, I would secretly listen to gangster music with a ton of vulgarity and I loved that I had a little secret that my parents didn’t know about.
Outside of rap music, my friends and I would occasionally get our hands on a Playboy mag or a dirty book and we thought it was the coolest thing. We would literally hide in the bushes to read from our secret stash so that we wouldn’t get caught by our parents or other adults. While looking at magazines at the grocery store, I would sometimes look around and then hit that Playboy or Hustler section for a sneak peak at a page or two. Always so scared that I might get caught by one of my friend’s parents or a cashier. Nowadays, kids can just go on their phones to see a naked girl. They have it too easy! We could even hit up channel 99 on our TV’s for the scrambled version of the Spice Channel where we might see a blurry boob or two. We would laugh so hard doing this as kids!
We grew up in a very strict household where you couldn’t say a curse word and if you got caught, a bar of soap was getting jammed right into your mouth. I never got the bar of soap treatment but big bro did. Because of these types of punishments, we thought cussing was cool. I would try to watch PG-13 and R movies anytime I could and if I heard the garage door open I knew it was time to turn the channel to my cartoons and look innocent. I always woke up earlier than everybody so on weekends I could get some solid HBO action while my parents slept. I would go close their door and tip toe back to the TV in the living room so I could check out what was on HBO at 4am. I’ve always woken up at CRAZY hours! In the late 80’s, R rated movies like Bloodsport with my main man Jean Claude Van Damme were watched repeatedly.
We loved baseball cards and were talented at opening packs of cards and flipping from card to card to quickly see who was next. This is an art form and if you don’t believe me, give a random a pack of cards and then give me one. I’ll quickly show you what domination looks like. My muscle memory of opening packs will never fade. If opening wax packs of cards was a sport, I wouldn’t be Jordan but I could easily be Drexler. My brother Todd and I collected all sports cards but we would also venture outside of sports as well. And in 1985, the Garbage Pail Kids came on the scene and we had to have them! I’m not sure if our parents actually looked at the cards and thought they were alright for us or they turned a blind eye to it all but we always got to buy packs of GPK. Maybe they appreciated the art of the cards and that’s why they let them slide? Regardless, Todd and I loved Garbage Pail Kids. If you have some Series 1 in mint condition, holler at your boy. I’ll gladly take a near mint Adam Bomb off your hands in a trade that favors me.
There were new series of GPK cards dropping all of the time. There were small cards… There were big cards… Garbage Pail Kids were originally invented as a parody of the Cabbage Patch Dolls which were HUGE in the early 80’s but while the dolls lost popularity, Garbage Pail Kids kept gaining popularity! For some reason I never knew that GPK were owned by Topps so finding that out now makes me like them even more. Topps is responsible for so many great memories of my childhood. Collecting cards was fantastic as a kid. My big bro and I would trade cards with our friends. We would look through our cards constantly. If he had cards I didn’t I would want them more. We were fiends for these little stickers that shared the same names as kids we knew but depicted them in weird gross ways. Baseball, basketball, and soccer practices were times where we would all talk about our cards. Teachers hated them! We couldn’t have them in class ever!
They even had a Garbage Pail Kids live-action movie in 1987. My memory sucks but I imagine I saw this? I don’t remember it at all so is it worth the 90 minutes to check it out? It’ll instantly make my wife go to the other room while rolling her eyes dramatically so I just have to know if it’s worth it…. Somebody? Anybody? Please hit the comments and drop a line!
GPK even had a TV show in the 80’s. I don’t think I remember that either but I’ll be happy to get way into an episode or two. I’ll have to close our bedroom door and keep the TV low so I can watch in the early AM hours before my wife wakes up. She has no idea the weird stuff I get into in the early morning! It’s my time to still be a kid. Until we have a kid later this year and then I’ll have to get baby boy up on some weird sh*t.
I could go on and on about GPK but I also have a full-time job to work so I have to start on my ending here. Did you collect Garbage Pail Kids? Do you still own some Garbage Pail Kids? When was the last time you looked at some GPK’s? It’s been some time for me so it was time to change that! I scoured eBay looking for some Series 1 packs but they were way too expensive. I did find some Series 3 packs so I bought a few and had them shipped to my apartment. I kept them in their original shipping box and dropped them off at my brother’s house. He has no idea what is in the box I’ve given him so I know his reaction will be priceless! Todd aka Lunchmade loved GPK cards so he is going to get WAY excited to see these!
Without further adieu, here is Todd opening some packs of Topps Garbage Pail Kids Series 3! Will he pull a Rod Wad? Will he snag a Starin’ Darren? Check it out to find out. If you’re into nostalgia this is right up your alley!
If you are still reading this, here’s one more GPK clip for you today!